Creamed Brocoli

So I am hesitant to post the happenings of last night, but I feel it is something I must do. Comments are optional.

Lunch/dinner break yesterday–i decide to text Eyes Wide Open and see if he wants to hang out…he texts back “I was just picking up my phone to call you”   I turn into a 12 year old girl and get wicked giddy with a huge cheesy grin.  it was excellent. So after work I head to his place expecting to see him and his friends playing their guitars…afterall it is jam night… but it’s just him and his father so i’m like wtf… I had a wicked shitty day and It made me so happy to be going to jam night… but w/e I got over it…
To make what is beging to be a huge story much shorter… I think we were flirting, he started talking about other girls and reading his text messages so far away from me that its obvious it was something he didnt want me to see–fine whatever, but…not fine when I’m trying to figure out if I’m the only slut hanging around him.  So of course the bottle tips back and I drink to fast and all of a sudden BAM I’m sloshed, hammered, a whole friggin novel into the wind.  But it’s cool we go upstairs do our thing and all my emotions are just like ouh I’m gonna fuck you over and make you cry right…now!  MWAHAHAHAHA (that’s my emotions laughing at me as he says he’s gonna cum and i climb off him tears leaking out of my eyes)…

And to make matters worse he asks (sweetly however) are you crying?

Now i’m not a guy but if I were, and a girl cried in my bed…esp after having sex, i’m sorry but that’s it. Bitch has gotta go.  I muscled up all the normalcy i could to sound out a “haha no” type answer but i am pretty sure i failed.  But what i vaguely remember his him doing his usual back to me crowding my half of the bed which i’ve always took as him wanting to cuddle…. Anywho all that alcohol had to go somewhere so i get up to pee…and of course the bathroom is all the way down stairs and it was all I could do to get pants on my boozed up ass.  Well I got downstairs okay, but getting back up was a whole other situation. I just couldn’t physically bring myself up the stairs, so i layed on the couch for a bit and that’s when you all got that weird ass pray for me textmessage…. thanks for you’re prayers by the way I really appreciate them and I think they worked, because when i finally got my ass back up stairs like 3 or 4 hours later, I stumble in the room and as if he was wide awake the whole time I was gone Eyes Wide Open asks me “where’d ya go?”…. My answer–”I got lost”  typical but whatever i climb back to my side of the bed… yes i have a side, i stole his side because i like it better thus it’s my side.  And we sleep. there may have been some snuggling not quite sure.

But in the wee hours of the morning and by wee hours of the morning I mean like 6ish an hour before we both need to get up… he backs like all the way up to me pretty much forcing me to hold him…and i loved it. every second of it.  Alarm goes off and he hits snooze and faces me…I silently freak out, i can’t tell if his eyes are open or if he wants a morning quickie… But we drift into sleep. his alarm goes off again, and we snuggle again…my alarm goes off and then he decides to koala me…(another position i named but it’s a snuggle position not a sex postion…) it’s basically wrapping/intertwining all available extremities around the other… somewhat intimate of a snuggle if i might add. So there he is koalaing me… and I have to go…he decides he’s not getting up yet and I yearned to have quit my job the day before so I could spend the extra time–no matter how short–snuggled next to his warm body. and it is apparent to me. I am attached. to his warmth, to his personality, to his company. However…

He will never call me again.  I commited the awful sin of crying in his bed. I do not blame him. I will miss sleeping next to him.

The Talk.

So yet another person agrees… I have to ask him.

And yet that person also agress… I won’t be the freaky girl because A) I deserve to know (blah blah blah) and B) if people are putting faces/parts in other people’s faces/parts they can talk about this stuff…

So now I’m back to how to approach the subject. I need to grow two testicles… Three if I’m lucky.

How would you ask your eyes wide open friend if it’s just sex, if you’re the only one, or if he sees it as something more?  (OBVIOUSLY besides saying “is this just sex? am i the only one? is there something more here?–I thought of those myself, I’m asking for your originality!!)

HELP!!

Remote Viewing.

In the 1970s the U.S. military continued its research on ESP. It had been doing so since WWII (ish… hey i’m not a history major—well i was but- hey nevermind!) So the US Military did research on ESP-only it didn’t call it psychic ability, or anything of the sort… it came up with it’s own term “Remote Viewing”–which deletes all negative connotation of using ‘powers’ anywho that really has no direct relevance to my post , I just wanted to make you aware that the military trained soldiers to be psychics. and it did work–they just don’t always like to admit that– But hence we’ve all seen movies about that shit, and if you haven’t I highly recommend you watch Shooter, not only because Mark Wahlberg is gorgeous but because it’s an excellent movie.

I digress. Again.

I want to tell you about my intuitive communication this afternoon.  I’m reading this book that my friend lent me about how to communicate with animals–it’s pretty amazing. So I’m practicing my skills and this afternoon I attempted to communicate with my dead cat. I believe that I was successful.  I was thinking about what I wanted to ask her, and I had basically decided to ask her how she was doing…So as I am actually forming my prior thoughts into a quesiton I get interrupted with this image of her chasing a butterfly. I chalked it up to my logic mind, my cerebral cortex as the author says, giving me an image of what I wanted to happen…So i concentrated harder and got my questions out-this time uninterupted. After I had peacefully sent them off, I got the same image, this time animated of Shady chasing a butterfly.  The image wasn’t crystal clear and in color, but I could see the silhouettes. I was content.  I think that I really got through.
I tried sending a question to Jed, a shelter dog. I asked him if he would rather go for a hike or go swimming.  I got the impression that he would rather swim. But again I doubted myself, and I communicated to him that I wanted to ask again, just to make sure and to please be understanding of my need to reask… I didn’t get an answer… Then I fell asleep. :-\  Maybe he was put off that I was asking again and just shut down… Maybe I never reached him. But I know I reached Shady, my cat.  I miss her. She was my best friend.

Picture Perfect.

Okay so I didn’t wanna put this in my visual affects because it directly relates to previous posts. I didn’t want to edit it into a previous post because you guys might not scroll down to read it… Therefore here it is…

I have no earthly idea who the kissers are…or why this was taken, but it’s a perfect representation of my eyes wide open theory.  He is obviously into the kiss (even though he’s stretching his arm to take the photo) and she, with eyes open, is seeming to avoid any spec of intimacy.  He is searching for passion with his lips open, she is staring down all of his emotion with lips so tight they cork in her affect.

You should only kiss if you mean it, if you mean it you’ll shut your eyes.

P.S. I got this picture from google images…

Tell No One…

So I have a to-do list like a mile long but instead I choose to blog.

I think one of the most wonderful things about reading is being able to share a book with someone. Now this book is not one I would even glance at in a book store, okay well maybe I’d glance at it seeing as how the jacket is BRIGHT ORANGE… But other than that, the title-the author I’ve never heard of-even the synopisis make it something I am just flat out not interested.  Why then would I pick it up? why would I open the cover and get enthralled in this murder-mystery that is so not my style? Because it was on the nightstand of the guy I was sleeping next to. He was on page 16 and still drifting in and out of sleep.

Now in my honest opinion Harlan Coben is not a brilliant writer… and I would probably never pay to read something of his. But on the other hand, his witted style is mine–and therefore no one pays to read my shit either. So I read. and I got absorbed into this mystery by Mr. Coben who makes up the rules as he goes along–from beginning to absolute end.  Some call them twists, I say that he didn’t know where he was going when he was getting there.  But anyway I must have read more than twice as much as my sleeping friend when I decided that I was still tired, so I snuggled my head back on the pillow and slept…

I would read a little more just about everytime I went back to his house…in the morning after he had gone to work… almost secretively… And when he didn’t call me for nearly a week I thought I’d never get through the second half… He wasn’t even reading the book!!!  He was probably on page 38 at this point… yes I did keep track of where he was, his book mark barely moved-it was quite easy. Anywho, another week with no reading and he has stealthily moved to 134…last time I had stopped with 10 chapters to go… It sucked. So last night I decided that if I didn’t finish the book this morning I would take it with me. A Hostage!

So I woke up later than I had hoped but in my defense I had a hard week and was really tired… :-X But I found the novel on the floor, picked it up and began the end. At about 10:30 I had 30 pages to go, but I had to go.  I couldn’t lie here forever… God forbid his roomates be up when I mosey out of the house… So I took it with me. my hostage. and here it sits with me. I did finish it. and I did give Eyes Wide Open a text message telling him of my crime. The ending sucked… This murder-mystery had a chick flick ending. If I wanted a chick flick ending I would have read one of my normal books… Nicholas Sparks perhaps-he’s always a good read.

and on a side note… Eyes Wide Open had eyes nearly shut last night. Progress? perhaps, but unlikely…

So I lied. Part II

okay so I’m back from Jam Night.

Wicked glad I went. Because now I can have no regrets and I can’t spend time pondering the what-ifs…
I went balls out prepared to suffer the consequences.

Wanna know what those consequences are? Virtually none.

For a while it was just me and two of the guys, then Eyes wide open’s best friend came and when he walked by me to go to the “head” he said in passing “so ya thought ya could track him down by coming here?” And I was very put off… I replied to the remaining guitarists something to the extent of “WHAT?! I don’t need to track him down. I know where he lives…” So hopefully I got my point across that my main reason for being there was the music. Not that I don’t want to see him… But that it wasn’t the purpose of my getting out of my pajamas. So anywho, definitely putting more stock in the “balls to the wall” approach–no regrets.

Another happy ending to a bum day.

So I lied.

I said I wasn’t going to make things confusing, but I believe most everything happens for a reason.

I was having a very awful evening… And I wanted a glass of milk. However there was only enough milk left in the fridge for one glass, which means if I endulge tonight, I must miss my cereal in the morning (which conveniently I was out of cereal too). Not gonna happen. So I head to the store in my pjs… and sulk around the store pick out some cereal and grab the milk. Put on a smile for the girls I know at the register and I can’t leave the store. Why can’t I leave? because some old lady decided to walk in the first “out” door to grab a newspaper from the bottom rack… so if I try to go out right now the automatic door will smack her in the head and she’ll probably fall down and break a hip. So I patiently wait with a fake smile on my face.

Low and behold I was meant to be there because on my way out of the store I saw a guy I knew…well actually one of “open eyed kisser’s” friends… who extended an invite to jam night… which i have been craving to listen to these guys jam for like 2 and half weeks….dialouge was as follows…
Him: You coming to jam night?
Me: I thought that was last night?
Him: We had to postpone until tonight.
Me: (coyishly) I didn’t get an invite (meaning “open eyed kisser” didn’t invite me)
Him: Well ya got one now.

so I’m really excited… and I think I’ve decided to go… even though there is a potenial for social awkwardness… esp. if open eyed kisser brings another girl…. But I know if I do not go then I will regret the what ifs…. So at 8:30 tonight I’m getting out of my Pjs and heading to jam night… whether or not I spend the greater part of an hour sitting outside contemplating my judgement i cannot say yet….. but I’ll get back to you on that.

crazy psycho bitches.

Boys are confusing. I do not like them. I just want use of their penises. Is that too much to ask? Sigh.

Ya know though, I do think I have to take an equal opportunity stance here and say that we girls make them be confusing. We don’t make it easy for boys to be straightforward with anything. And if a guy is straightforward and calling it like it is…then we call him an asshole, thus becoming the crazy psycho bitch. We definately add many twists and turns to all these “relationship” woes we spend endless nights crying over.

Today I decided to stop. I decided I’m going to live it like it’s today, and not think about what it is or what it isn’t, or what it might become, or what he wants it to be… I decided to just let it play out–sort of a “que sera, sera!” stance. Now if I can only get the opportunity back to do so.

Pray for me.

Eyes Wide Open

Okay so how do we feel about kissing with eyes open? IMO: It definately takes away from the intimacy. And it’s totally creepy if both parties have their eyes open… it’s just freaky. And it’s awkward to just happen to open your eyes mid-kiss or between kisses and see your partner staring at you. Obviously I’m the type to kiss with my eyes closed… if the kiss means anything to me. Wait, even if it doesn’t I kiss with my eyes closed.

Okay, okay so I have kissed with my eyes open before…BUT i definately don’t do it when I’m trying to build up the passion to get laid…I’ve kissed with my eyes open when it’s humorous to do so, like when a guy tries to kiss you at a party and people are watching… it’s funny to talk to other people with your eyes while this guy tries to impart (did i use that word properly?) a token of affection upon me, or when watching a movie and he decides to lean in but I’m not quite ready to miss this scene. But all in all kisses should have eyes closed. Anyone out there an open-eyed kisser?

Sleeping with the friend.

For those who know me this is nothing less than a perfect first entry.  So I need some opines from the great wide world. Sleeping with a friend–Kosher? Spoiled? Bad News Bears?

To break it down a little more into a context try this on for size.

To the moral world (of which I like to consider myself a citizen) sleeping with anyone while you are in a relationship is bad, off limits, ‘illegal’ shall we say. But what about if you’re just dating someone and not “in a relationship” ya know like oh I went on a few dates with that person and we’ll probably go out again but I don’t particularly see it going anywhere and I’m feeling a lil’ froggy so I’m gonna bang an ol’ tried and true…. Anything wrong with that?

No really I’m asking…Is there something wrong with that?

How about context B…You are sleeping with the friend, but another friend (or two–maybe on is even an ex…no this is not based on a true story) comes along; are these new additions to the stage fair game? Does friend-1 need to be made aware of friend-2 and vice versa?  Where does the line get drawn before one is a player or a womanizer…or a man-eater.

What would Carrie do?