Polar Express.

So. It’s Christmastime. And usually by December 1st I’m usually already going ga-ga over Christmas. This year I must say I am very bah-humbug.  And it just annoys me even more. Christmastime is my favorite time of year hands down. And not because I get gifts…I don’t care so much about that, don’t get me wrong I totally love getting gifts but I can honestly say that Christmas is more to me, so much more, than getting gifts. Even when i was a child it was about more than that. Sure I loved opening all the surprises from Santa on Christmas day, but Christmas Eve has really always been the absolute highlight of my Christmas season.

Thinking back on my childhood isn’t always the greatest field trip to take, but if ever I think of a time when I was truly happy, that my ENTIRE family –aunts, uncles, cousins etc–was together and happy it was Christmas Eve.  It makes me sad that I don’t feel that same joy that I used to.  I mean it was great I’d dig out my coloring books (even when I was like 16) and I’d just color for hours and listen to Christmas carols or watch “The 25 Days of Christmas” on the family channel…and I was so at peace with everything. And slowly, over the years, that joy has gone away. And I absolute refuse to beckon to the thought that it’s because I’m getting older. IT IS NOT! IT CAN’T BE!! I REFUSE!  I just want it to be like the good ol’ days, where my happiness just came because it was Christmastime, snow, lights, carols, cookies, family….What happened to all of that!? Where did it go? Happiness can’t vanish can it? I want it back! I’m not going out with a fight believe you me! I won’t let my bah-humbugness ruin my Christmas, not with out a black eye and a broken femur! I just simply refuse.  I will find my Christmas spirit…It has to be in one of these boxes…right?

I mean seriously the worst part of Christmas is usually trying to lighten my Dad’s spirits when he takes on the awful task fixing the lights that won’t work (because why would we go buy new ones when these just need “a little” tweaking?)  And that didn’t even happen this year! All the friggin lights still worked (probably because we did go out and buy new ones last year! lol)  But how many families dig out the ol’ Christmas tree lights and actually have all of them work? We were blessed with that…

Maybe it’s just because I’m PMSing…I hope it is…I just hope my Christmas spirit comes soon!  Not even listening to Alvin and the Chipmunks put a good rush into me, it was just a minor bandaid to get me through the task at hand.  Oh Christmas Spirit! Where the fuck are you!?

And yet again I’m glad I typed in my title before writing the post because my original idea was to ask who likes the movie or even the book (it is afterall where the movie came from) The Polar Express?  and who goes ga-ga over it… Because I have a really great Christmas gift related to that, but I have no one who would appreciate it as much as I need them too.  My ex was enamoured with that story…so my Christmas gift to him was going to be a drawing of the bell, the first gift of Christmas…

And to close-some amazing quotes from the movie…to help find my Christmas spirit.

The Conductor–Seeing is believing, but sometimes the most real things in the world are the ones we can’t see.

The Conductor–The thing about trains…It doesn’t matter where they’re going.  What matters is deciding to get on.

Santa Claus–There’s no greater gift than friendship.

Santa Claus–This bell is a wonderful symbol of the spirit of Christmas – as am I.  Just remember, the true spirit of Christmas lies in your heart.

Hero Boy- At one time most of my friends could hear the bell, but as years passed it fell silent for all of them. Even Sarah found one Christmas that she could no longer hear its sweet sound. Though I’ve grown old the bell still rings for me, as it does for all who truly believe.