Let downs and pick ups.

I like to think of my birthday as just another day. Why? Because it’s much simpler that way. And less emotional.

For whatever reason… my birthday always has some point in it where I am silently and secretly on the verge of tears. Maybe it has something to do with still being embarassed when people sing happy birthday to me…. But nonetheless it happens. I accept it.

But I don’t like to build up the hype of my birthday, there just isn’t reason for it. I don’t go out and get plastered with my friends (though I would very much like that to happen, it just doesn’t). I just have a family dinner, they give me cake and presents… and that’s where I really get flustered. Why ask me what I want for my birthday if you just don’t even listen to me?  That’s what bugs me.  I honestly don’t care about getting gifts, but if you’re giving me something, give me something I want–ESPECIALLY IF YOU ASK ME WHAT I WANT.  I don’t mean to sound harsh…or grinch-ish. But you make me believe that I’ll be recieving this and a certain amount of positive anxiety builds up whether you like it or not…and then it just falls.

It sucks, and it really digs into me already being emotional.

Oh and P.S. the other thing I wanted to do for my birthday, didn’t get done. I wanted to play a simple game of darts with my family. I’ve been asking and hinting if anyone had the time we should play. My birthday comes around and I say “I wanna play a game of darts.”   We end up playing hearts. yes it rhymes, but it’s a completely different game.  One involves throwing sharp objects, the other involves flat-waxed heavy weight paper.

Sorry but I’m just not happy. I just wanted it to be another plain old I hate my job day.  And it wasn’t. I ended up having a rather good day at work and a rather sub-par dinner and evening. I’m not too happy. Especially now that my family is talking me out of my real birthday dinner this weekend. I’m ready to cry. and they just don’t see it.

Kill ‘em with kindness.