Let downs and pick ups.

I like to think of my birthday as just another day. Why? Because it’s much simpler that way. And less emotional.

For whatever reason… my birthday always has some point in it where I am silently and secretly on the verge of tears. Maybe it has something to do with still being embarassed when people sing happy birthday to me…. But nonetheless it happens. I accept it.

But I don’t like to build up the hype of my birthday, there just isn’t reason for it. I don’t go out and get plastered with my friends (though I would very much like that to happen, it just doesn’t). I just have a family dinner, they give me cake and presents… and that’s where I really get flustered. Why ask me what I want for my birthday if you just don’t even listen to me?  That’s what bugs me.  I honestly don’t care about getting gifts, but if you’re giving me something, give me something I want–ESPECIALLY IF YOU ASK ME WHAT I WANT.  I don’t mean to sound harsh…or grinch-ish. But you make me believe that I’ll be recieving this and a certain amount of positive anxiety builds up whether you like it or not…and then it just falls.

It sucks, and it really digs into me already being emotional.

Oh and P.S. the other thing I wanted to do for my birthday, didn’t get done. I wanted to play a simple game of darts with my family. I’ve been asking and hinting if anyone had the time we should play. My birthday comes around and I say “I wanna play a game of darts.”   We end up playing hearts. yes it rhymes, but it’s a completely different game.  One involves throwing sharp objects, the other involves flat-waxed heavy weight paper.

Sorry but I’m just not happy. I just wanted it to be another plain old I hate my job day.  And it wasn’t. I ended up having a rather good day at work and a rather sub-par dinner and evening. I’m not too happy. Especially now that my family is talking me out of my real birthday dinner this weekend. I’m ready to cry. and they just don’t see it.

Kill ‘em with kindness.

Birthday Wishes.

today is my birthday, and all that I want is to dig through this big box of pictures in my kitchen til the daylight’s gone.

This one here’s my mama, with the long brown hair. I’m forty years older today than she was in that picture there.

But if life stay the way it was, and lovers never fell out of love, if memories didn’t last so long, if nobody did nobody wrong

If we knew what we had before it was gone, if every road led back home, this would be the very last country song.

These are all my babies. Lord knows how we survived. The first one was hard and the last was unplanned, what a big surprise.

That’s him with his daddy’s eyes.

I loved the man in this one. It’s faded but I don’t care. There are nights when I wake up and know he’s beside me I swear. Sometimes I still feel him there.

But if life stayed the way it was, if lovers never fell out of love, if memories didn’t last so long, if nobody did nobody wrong, if we knew what we had before it was gone, if every road led back home, this would be, the very last country song.

~Jennifer Nettles, Kristian Bush.

Project Tree: Status Report.

Project Tree… took a giant step forward today.  Tree has been purchased and brought “home.” It’s actually hiding in my neighbors yard.

The winning species isn’t one of the ones I spent days researching.  Mom spotted a tree on a drive recently and said “that reminds me of my mother” and so I tried to remember what the tree looks like and my closest guess was Malus louisa.  And it was not sold at the native plant store…So I had to go elsewhere. And well, we’ll see how the rest of this pans out.  By the way, the tree is a Crabapple. Not nearly what I might pick as my neighbors all have them, but this is a different variety, a much prettier one at that. We shall plant and it shall thrive. Hopefully.

Next step:  Dig the hole.  Possible calamities of this step include but are not limited to finding and needing to clear TONS of roots and root systems from the old maple that was chopped down.  Also, digging said hole in either one night/day and setting the tree in to be a surprise–or–relaying the sod so that perhaps Mom will not realize there is a hole being dug…

I will consult with the other two parties on the next step.  And I have Wednesday off, not that the weather will be great for hole digging, but we’ll see what happens.

I’m off to check my bank account to see how much shopping I can do   I have an itch, and it needs to be scratched–big time.